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Thursday, March 17, 2011

Thoughts about People

Good Morning Darlings,

The thing about being fabulous is that it is always necessary to surround yourself with people who are just as fabulous as you are. That being said, I will say that I have some of the most fabulous friends around. They are all smart, interesting, and good looking to a fault. They all have fantastic jobs where they crunch numbers, hang out with Bono, or write things for people with too much money. We are twenty somethings and we love each other always.

I do have this one friend though. Yesterday he called me to complain about two things.

1. Why do you not have a new blog post up today?
2. Why do you not talk about me more often in your blog? 

My answers were as follows:

1. Because instead of writing my blog, I am video chatting you and letting you regale me with stories of the past week you spent in Paris doing nothing but drinking wine and smoking Galouises. 
2. Why don't I talk about you more? Why don't you write more songs about me? 

Maybe, those of you who know me can deduce from the nature of the conversation who I am talking about. For those of you who don't know him. His name is Jesse. He is my best friend. And he is incredibly needy sometimes. Oh did I mention that of all my friends fabulous jobs, his takes the cake?


That's right folks, a big record company pays him to sit around, eat burgers with his other rockstar friends and hand them some songs at the end of say I don't know, 6 months? Which is why, at the drop of a dime, he can decide to go to Paris for a week, just for fun. Sometimes when we talk, he has to run to go to meetings with his manager (who wears black denim and black on black sneakers, which totally and completely offends every single cell in my body). Also sometimes he wears skinny rust coloured jeans which I make fun of to the point of verbal murder. He lives in Brooklyn and has a cave in his room. Jimi Hendrix resides on the wall. Serious rockstarness. 

You are probably wondering how some little old personal assistant with a fabulous blog like myself could have ever ended up knowing such an awesome person...A ROCKSTAR. I guess it all started when we were both fat and wore glasses (and I had braces). At summer camp, which is where Jewish kids go to meet their lifelongfriends, obvi. And really we have been friends ever since he wrote my best a friend a list of 25 reasons why he (when he was 14) loved her. It's possible that he was contemplating complimenting her ample chest, and I'm pretty sure I talked him out of that one (even at 14, I had a little tact), which is probably why we are friends now. 

He has stopped asking me for advice on girls, only because we have very different "relationship ideals." But believe me, even though he has stopped asking me, I still give it to him. And fashion advice. I tell him that his deep v neck teeshirt from american apparel does nothing to highlight his cleavage, it only accentuates his chest hair and that if that is the look he is going for, he really ought to have a medallion. 

The other day (same day that he asked me why I wasn't writing about him) he told me that he bought a pair of sky blue skinny jeans. I almost had a heart attack (I just turned twenty five, IT IS NOW A LEGIT POSSIBILITY). Not only that, but he took his webcam and aimed it at his brand new belt buckle, which has a scorpion on it. 

Yes, I will repeat myself, a scorpion. I don't know if I'm in the minority, but to me, a poisonous predatory anthropod doesn't really equate to a hot makeout sesh, but more to a weirdo who probably also has tribal tattoos and possibly crabs. I'm not saying that he has crabs, but I AM saying that maybe we should pick the anthropods that we put near our groin more carefully in the future. 

But can I just tell you how much I love this kid? Seriously, through thick and thin he is always there. I really hope that every single one of you has a friend like him in your life, because if not relationships, what's the point of life? 

Anyway, here's my plug to his website : Buy his music and his merch so that one day he can buy me a house and a houseboy and a closet made of marble with my initials etched in the floor.


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