Riding Camels and Taking Names

Good Morning Darlings,

I have been berated for not making a FLF Israel Edition, but I had no time. I was too busy eating falafel, riding camels, and pronouncing hummus incorrectly. And while it's true that right now I am sitting in the Van Pelt Manor enjoying some real coffee and watching DVR-d episodes of the Real Housewives franchise, Israel is still very fresh in my mind. So darlings, let's suspend our disbelief for a few seconds longer and pretend that I am writing to you from a hotel bar in your favourite city in Israel (that's right, Choose your Own Adventure). I am going to write about the highlights, because if I wrote about the whole trip, I would be sitting here for the next two days (me, long winded? Never) and let's be honest...I have more important things to do like go get a mani/pedi and take cat naps to get over my 2day old jet lag. Uh huh.

1. In Israel there is this fashion trend where women have one long dreadlock. Now, some of you may know my thoughts on dreads. I love them, and if I owned a few more Patagonia fleeces, I may be able to get talked into getting them. The problem is that they don't go very well with pearls or Kate Spade, which you all know would be a problem and utter life disaster. But here's what: Go Big or Go Home. One dreadlock? It's ridiculous. I got so confused...your hair is short, but your dreadlock is long. This was not a one time thing either, it was pretty much all over. On the beach, in restaurants, in stores, on the street. In fact, the only time I didn't see this situation was probably at the Wailing Wall. It's far too holy to not go all the way with your fashion choices.

2. This may or may not be kosher (save your laughs for later) to discuss  on my (entirely non religious/I just discussed how much I love to eat pork at 4am when I am schwastys in the last post) blog, but the Orthodox women in Israel were so much better dressed than the Orthodox women in the states. In case you don't know, a Jewish womens dress code is dictated by the section of Jewish law known as "Tznius," which translates to modesty. Married women must cover their hair, shirts must have a sleeve length past the elbow, and skirts are typically worn to the ankle. So for a heathen like myself, this would be difficult to pull off. In America, there just aren't that many choices because we all like to flaunt our skin in order to try and contract as many STD's detectable by urine as possible. In Israel, however, there are a ton of choices for women who follow Jewish law and act like ladies. First of all, they take ridiculous care of their skin. You can pass by just about any Orthodox woman on the streets of Jerusalem and their makeup is flawlessly applied and their hair (which is usually a wig) is perfect. They look very elegant with their long skirts, loose blouses and not too high heels. Not only that, but I have the utmost respect for them wearing these fashions in the heat of Israel.

3. I am pretty much falafeled out. I never thought I would say that, but it's the truth. We pretty much ate falafel for lunch every day because that's pretty much all there was. I will tell you, however, that hummus is not something that I can get sick of. I can tell you that because I ate it at every meal for the past ten days and I still love it. The food in Israel was not as amazing as I thought it would be, but we also didn't get a chance to eat as much of a variety as I would have liked to. I pretty much ate tuna, pickled herring, tomatoes, cucumbers and hummus for breakfast, schwarma or falafel for lunch, and chicken, vegetables and more cucumbers and tomatoes for dinner. One day, we were at the beach and I decided that I would really enjoy some yoghurt. I went into the supermarket and bought an avocado and some yoghurt and it turned out to be sour cream. It was a disappointment, but it also taught me not to assume that all creamy white substances packaged in a tub are appropriate to eat by the spoonful. I also learned in Israel to stay away from cookies with white frosting...but that's a completely different, completely inappropriate story.

4. Most importantly on the trip, I made new FFL. My roomies made the trip so incredible. We laughed together, cried together, and most importantly created some great new abbreviations and code words together. They both have such amazing personal style, and I could never emulate either one of them. J bought Aladdin pants at the Arab market in Jerusalem and A wore a leopard print onesie to paint the town amazeballs in Tel Aviv. We joked about things like Tevas with iguanas on them, Jewish boys, how "The Birdcage" was the best movie ever made, and our inability to make dirty things clean again. They acted as my parents, best friends, and lover at my bat mitzvah, gifting me with a makeshift magenta Tallit (prayer shawl) and more love than I could ever imagine coming from two women who I knew for less than ten days. We ate pastries in bed, drank cheap vodka, hosted parties involving rap battles in our hotel room and made everyone take pictures of us everywhere we went. I will never ever forget these women. 

Anyway, I'll probably think of some more things to post so watch out for FLF: Israel Edition v. 2.0 soon.

xoxo

LCF