Monday, September 12, 2011

Not High Heel Friendly

Good Morning Darlings,

I am the worst ever, I am so sorry for the ridiculous pause between my last post and this one. I attribute it to a month of shoddy internet, a hurricane, a trip home, and relocating. Specifically the latter. Moving is seriously the pits. We have to find jobs, a home, move all of our (okay, my) stuff, and then the snow will be here! 

The job search has not been going as horribly as expected. I have had a few interviews, a few people interested in my ridiculous skill sets, and it seems positive. But the thing is that no one in Portland wears high heels. In fact, hardly anyone in Portland wears anything that would be considered grown up clothing. This is something that I am going to have to get used to. I mean I'm talking like serious crunchy granola* business. And I have realized that while I REFUSE to give up things that are so meaningful to me (like high heels), I might be able to assimilate a little bit up here if I try really hard. So in this post, I am going to find a few of my favourite things Maine counterparts. 

I will preface this by saying that I absolutely love Portland, and though I am very excited to move here, I am less than excited about the fashion. And, well, fashion just happens to be one of my very favourite things. So I hope that you all can understand that while I am being snarky, it is just because I am bitter about having nowhere to wear my sequined pumps, tutus, and baby top hats. 
Kate Spade Kelly

Dansko Maryjane

First and foremost, the idea of finding a reason/night without snow to wear any kind of patent leather pump has become more or less a thing of the past. Everyone here wears sensible shoes like danskos. And, I will be perfectly honest, I have a pair of danskos clogs and I wear them when I am working in a kitchen or when I am completely hungover and need to walk somewhere. But my personal belief is that a dansko is a shoe for a job (a doctor, a chef) and that there is really no need to wear them anywhere else. They serve a purpose like Uggs and they should be seen by the public as little as possible. But here's the thing. In Portland, it is not enough to have a pair of clogs, they have to be even uglier. They have to be like Mary Jane clogs. I have a really hard time understanding why anyone would buy this monstrosity of a shoe. I feel like you should not wear this shoe until you have hit late middle age in order to avoid a knee replacement. Girls, heels may not be great for you, but once you learn how to walk in them they give you a sense of being and much better posture than Danskos could ever offer. Take my word now: I will never buy Dansko Maryjanes. So do yourselves a favour: watch the following video and buy a pair of fabulous, expensive shoes. Go outside and show the world what you are made of.  

Speaking of footwear, it looks like I might have to 
trade in my motorcycle boots for a pair of actual snow boots this year. For years, I have gotten away with wearing my Fryes as snow boots. Sure, I fell often, but who cares? So did everyone else! The only person I know who owns real snow boots in the city is my dear mother. And she only owns them because anything under Sixty degrees to her is equivalent to the Arctic. But alas, this year, this snow will be falling on a fairly regular basis and everything will stay open because unlike in Philadelphia,  snow is not an emergency here. It is a way of life. And as I grow up, I realize that although I LOATHE TO SAY IT, sometimes you just have to be practical. As Hubby and I traipsed around the city this afternoon, I started to visualize the snow and the ice on all of the hills of the city. So I'm going to have to get myself a serious pair of heavy duty, waterproof, supergrip, super-ugly snow boots. And although I may be wearing argyle tights, a tutu, and a sequined bolero on the aesthetic will be marred by these dreadful boots. You can bet your behind that I will be purchasing a super cute winter tote to carry my real shoes in, so that the absolute ONLY time I have to wear these is outside, and then I will wear huge sunnies so that noone knows who I am.  


Although you may not realize it, there is a world of difference between a little black dress and a little brown dress. The little black dress is a classic piece that exudes sophistication all on it's own. The little black dress is easily malleable and can be made even more elegant with pearls or old costume rhinestones or can be slutted up with the right pair of heels and a great smoky eye. It says to the world that you know who you are and you don't need to follow trends to fit in. LBDs come in all shapes and sizes. To the right is my perfect LBD, but I can assure you that every single city girl that you know has a favourite. Once you find the right one, you never want to give it up. You never want it to fade or wrinkle or age. You want it to stay, like you, young forever. With a LBD, we wear Chanel No. 5. There really is no other option. 

On the other hand, we have the little brown dress.You might be asking yourself what the difference is between a little black dress and a little brown dress. Actually if you are reading this blog, you should know and you probably already know that there is a whole hell of a lot of difference between the two. A little brown dress comes in one shape: sack. It is most often  embroidered. It is also most often worn with Dansko maryjanes of a neutral colour, like dusty maroon or faded celadon. While the LBD is worn with pearls, the little brown dress is usually worn with shells or stones that have some sort of mystical meaning behind them dependent on their colour. The little brown dress looses because of it's ability to multitask here in Portland. It seems that you could wear it to the beach during the day with birkenstocks and then change into your maryjanes, throw some patchouli oil on and run to a wedding on Saturday night. The thought of which makes me cringe. Perhaps the women up here are just out of touch with their femininity, although I'm sure that they would argue quite the contrary. Ladies, you can be a feminist and shave your armpits. Although, a clean look might not quite *go* as well with your little brown dress. But again, I love Portland and am very excited to move here. In fact, who knows, I may be able to change the entire fashion landscape of Portland. A swipe of lipstick here, a sharp stiletto there, and voila! 

And of course, last but not least...Lips. 

I don't have much to say....




As always darlings, it's been fun. Watch out for updates on new house, new job, and new dansko wearing, patchouli rocking me!! JUST KIDDING! Like I said to Hubby today in the car (yes, it's a Subaru) "you can take the girl out of the big city, but you can never take the big city out of the girl." And with a spray of Gucci Flore, I knew that there were never truer words spoken.




  1. Feel free to send your sequined pumps, tutus, and baby top hats to those of us still in the city!

    I'm sure you can find cute snow boots. My sister has amazing rabbit fur snow boots.

    Also, what is your opinion on Toms. I think they're too hipster for me, but I am in the market for sensible flats and they have pretty ruby flats...

  2. Eleni,

    I think that Toms are okay. I can't wear them because they hurt my feet - buuuut I would be okay with the sequined ones!!!

    I hope 2L is less painful than the first L.